Worry Mode
An author/illustrator friend and I were gabbing on the phone while we were working in our studios. Well, I take that back. I actually draw and talk at the same time. She needs more focus when she draws...
Anyway, we were in our studios gabbing and we were talking about our careers. We both agreed: when you are a parent, KIDS TRUMP ALL. Both of us now see our kids getting more and more independent and the need to write and paint getting stronger and propelling us. Me? I go to bed at night thinking about stories and art, and I wake up very eager to get into my studio and get to work.
But the fact remains that even though my kids are a lot older than her kids, I feel that their independence ebbs and flows as much as ever. Once I get out of bed I first I get the troops going and I cook breakfast. I make coffee. I yell a little, or more than a little about homework not done or promises not kept. I wonder how long it is going to take my almost 17yr old to learn that he has college to think about and maybe, just maybe, it is a good idea to start doing his homework. I worry that the 20 yr. old college student will get frustrated with his classes, and try to pursue his career before graduating (he is a musician). I try to guess what paths my little 10 yr. old will follow in a few years and if all his sweetness and willingness to cuddle will suddenly and without warning disappear altogether and leave me having to chase the French bull dog around the house to look for a little one to hug. And of course, every waking day you worry about their health and safety and well being.
Then there is also the other end of things to worry about: aging parents. For the time being, status quo. Thank God. And I mean that most sincerely: THANK GOD.
I don't worry about housework. It is the one thing in my life I am very good about ignoring. And cooking. Blech. Years and years of Bon Appetit and Food and Wine subscriptions, and I am perfectly happy barely cooking at all and bringing in lots of take-out.
This mindset--it is usually before 9:00 AM. With any luck I will get back in my studio and I will close the door and for several hours and I will am able to write and draw and think about something less worrisome, even while crazier: children's literature.
Just venting. Same worries every parent has. Nothing special, nothing profound. Needing to blow off steam. Glad to be able to blog about it.
It was a tough Monday morning. I feel better now.
